Tuesday, December 14, 2010


I've encountered a recent issue with motivation loss. I'm not yet sure where it's stemming from. It could be one of several things, or a combination of them all. Or maybe I'm just getting lazy! Or going crazy!

First of all, I've decided to take a break from training for anything, and that is weird for me. I'm almost always pushing myself toward some crazy goal, and right now I've got nothing on my schedule for races (except for walking the 5K with Adam on Feb 13!). This has been, and still is a pretty major adjustment. Second, it's December. It's cold outside, which I don't mind at all, but maybe my body is telling me to sleep more, eat more and move less. This is bringing on a slight weight-gain, which is only a few pounds at the moment, but it's something I need to control before it gets out of hand. It's a big part of my feeling bummed out... I really don't feel like buying bigger pants! This December is just providing me with some on-and-off blues. Finances, traveling, cookies, tight clothes... all these things bring on a little extra stress.

What it comes down to is that my mood is not a cheerful one right now, and I don't quite understand why that is... and I don't like it. I am already frustrated with myself for trying to find excuses for it... and because I find that I'm feeling sorry for myself. I need to find my stubborn switch, say to hell with always trying to interpret the "reason" for everything and just "do what I need to do to get done what I need to get done."

I've almost got it. I can almost feel stubborn-mode kicking in, but then it fades back... I've got to find a way to hold on to that.

I've come up with an idea. It's just a simple workout schedule for me to follow after the new year. I will keep up with what I'm doing now, but once my Monday night class at FVTC is done (next Monday is my last class - yippee!), I'll be able to go back to kickboxing. I'm pumped about that!

I've got more to work on -- not just my workout routine, but I find that some sort of routine or schedule usually puts me back in alignment and I can get a ton more accomplished throughout the week. So here goes. I'm writing it down for everyone to see. This will hold me accountable and hopefully I'll stick to it... and if I do stick to it, I should be able to jump into the Oshkosh 1/2 marathon without a problem if I feel up for it. But -- I'm not training for it. I'm just picking my running back up again... it makes me feel good and makes me work really hard... I didn't realize how much I loved running until I stopped doing it!

Monday - Kickboxing
Tuesday - Run
Wednesday - Spin
Thursday - Run
Friday - Aerobics/Weights
Saturday/Sunday - Day off/Run

I might switch it up a little here and there once I get into it, but it's a base for me to start on. I might be really crazy and continue my Monday morning spin class AND do kickboxing in the evenings, but we shall see. As long as I get around 3 runs/week in, some weight training and cross-training, I'll be a happy camper.

I'd still like to get into swimming, too. That's a really tough one for me to start...

Then... then... winter projects, camping, hiking in the snow, sledding, walking with Adam, movies, websites, goals, dreams... there's just so much to do. I can't do it moping around with my head hanging low and a bummed-out pout on my face!!

(There... I've almost got it. I can almost reach that stubborn switch!)

Passenger Seat

It's one of them songs that makes me feel at complete peace.
It's "Passenger Seat" by Death Cab for Cutie
I listened to this song a lot when I was hiking across America in 2006, and just daydreamed about Adam picking me up in California and driving me home. I love to bring myself back into that dream and just stay there as long as I can.

One day I might get my head out of the clouds... but hopefully that never happens. I love to dream. Sometimes it seems as though it's the only thing I've got.

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"Do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.

When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.