I wrote an entry draft about a month ago and never posted it. I don't know why... because I wrote it to hold me accountable so I would stick to a health "plan" that I was working up. I've done pretty well sticking to this plan since I wrote it but I certainly did slack off a little more than I should have. Especially during Thanksgiving. So after re-reading it, I thought that if I
had posted it, maybe I would've gotten a message or two of encouragement, and that might have been all I needed to stick to the plan better. Knowing someone read it... and then I'd have to prove to them - and myself - that I could do it.
Better late than never, right? New plan, round 2.
But first a quick update - I haven't lost a pound since I wrote the entry I'll post below. In fact I've gained a couple. I haven't fallen completely off track, so I don't know what to blame. Wait, yes I do. I need to be real and kick my butt out of denial. I've been eating a lot. [head cocked to the side, looking upwards] There was that pint of Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake I ate in one sitting... the giant, 3-foot long bag of movie-theater-style popcorn I ate almost all by myself (in 2 nights, and there's still some left! Really!)... the Friday night Taco Bell binge (I didn't need to get the burrito supreme meal AND the quesadilla - oy!)... there's also the couple bottles of wine I indulged in over a couple of nights... and I'm sure if I sit here in this thoughtful position staring at the ceiling I'll come up with more. *Sigh* The list does goes on.
Reality check. Robin, stop eating like you have the metabolism of a Spartan. You do not.
So here's the post from last month. From here I will
try to get back into those 5 pairs of jeans sitting at the bottom of my pants pile by March... so I don't have to go shopping!
*****
Original entry, written November 11, 2012
Last week I was throwing out some old things that have been
sitting around my desk at work for... years. I came across my old Weight
Watchers weigh-in booklets from when I first joined. It was incredible for me
to think that I lost all that weight, and I remembered how exciting it was to
hit that first 10%, then the second. I am very proud of how far I’ve come in my
battle with weight over the years, and surprised at how much I’ve grown up in
that department. I now exercise regularly and eat healthier. I do tend to “fall
off the wagon” from time to time and go on a binge-eating adventure, but I can
usually recover in a week... sometimes in two, depending on how bad the
binge-session was. So I still definitely struggle today, and I will forever be
obsessed with food and its tempting taste. I’ve come to terms with that.
However, in the past year or so, I’ve convinced myself that
this larger pant size I’m fitting into lately is just my age, and that it’s
okay, and that I look alright anyway, and that I guess I feel alright with it,
and this is just the weight I’m “supposed” to be. Well, I think I’ve been lying
to myself to justify a slow, progressive weight-gain that wasn’t necessary for
my age or any other reason.
After looking through my Weight Watchers weigh-in booklets,
I realized that just 3 years ago I weighed twenty pounds lighter. I know I felt
great then – my endurance was amazing, I could train for hours at the gym and
on trails, I was light and jumpy and energetic. I now find myself feeling
frustrated in my aerobic classes because I can’t kick it quite as intensely as
I used to. Again, I blame my age. And maybe that does have a little something
to do with it, but I’m not 80 with brittle bones. I am a healthy, 33-year-old
woman, and I have no reason in the world to not feel like I did just three
years ago. This was a kick in the butt for me. I can do better. That’s what
this is all about.
I really don’t obsess too much over the numbers when it
comes to weight, but it’s a much easier milestone to shoot for. “I’ll get to
this weight and then evaluate how I feel compared to how I am at this other
weight.” It really is mostly about how I feel, and most of the time I do feel
great at my current weight. But I also know how good I felt at 20 pounds
lighter – not to mention the 5 or so pairs of pants I’d love to fit into again
– sadly that is mostly so I don’t have to go shopping, which I now dislike so
much I can almost confidently use the “hate” word... but I won’t. Because I
very-much-dislike that word. So, anyway, I’ve decided I’m going to try to get
back to that 2009 weight and see if there is a difference in how I feel between
the two. If there isn’t, I’ll feel much better about using my 30’s as an excuse
and let my body just settle where it needs to settle. But for now, as I wrote
in a Facebook status, “It’s GO time!” and my goal is set.
This week I’ve written my meals and food out on a sheet of
notebook paper each night so that in the morning I could be sure to pack the
right foods I needed at work to follow the menu. I’m trying to switch up my
breakfast and lunches so that I’m not eating the same exact thing every day,
which is what I tend to do on a normal basis. I figured I had to do something
different to see a difference – I actually already eat quite well during the
work day because of the structure of working in an office – one advantage to
this environment! It’s at night when I usually can’t stop eating, and so far,
the written menus have helped. I write out what I plan to have for dinner,
along with a dessert “if I feel like I need one.” The dessert has consisted of
plain greek yogurt with blueberries and raspberries – and I can add some almond
milk and cocoa powder into a smoothie if I want. It’s a treat, and is almost
milkshake-like, which is my favorite [unhealthy] food.
To shock my body, I decided to do something different with
my exercise that I’ve wanted to do for a while, too. Mornings. Ouchy. I love
mornings SO very much, but I just hate getting out of my comfy, warm bed. And
almost always, the comfy, warm bed wins. But this week so far, I’ve gotten out
of bed three days in a row and dragged my butt to the YMCA for a walk/run on
the treadmill, stretching and whatever else I feel like. It’s not intended to
be my main workout for the day, or a super-hard calorie burn... the intention
is to get used to getting up earlier, and get my metabolism roaring right away.
So far, so good, and I'm just hoping it might have some sort of affect.
Side-effects? So far, I’ve got sore muscles and a rumbly
tummy. The foods I’ve been making for my lunches apparently have a lot of fiber
in them. For example, I made a super-yummy Mexican dish with quinoa, black
beans and corn. I also eat a couple servings of carrots with it, then a couple
servings of Brussels sprouts for dinner. Then add in the oatmeal, pita pocket,
raspberries, blueberries and apple... and my fiber count is rising. I plugged
in all my foods into a calorie counting website and discovered my fiber intake
yesterday was 50 grams! Wowzers! I know fiber is good for me, but I might be
pushing it. So once I’m through this quinoa dish, which packs in about 13-14
grams/serving, I’m going to try to dial it down a bit. I don’t need 10 trips to
the bathroom in one day – unless it’s because I’m drinking so much water. Water
intake is another thing I’ve been working on, but not doing so great at. One thing at
a time, though!
So there you have it. That is where I am right now with my
fitness and health. Not like you need an update or anything, but I wanted to
write this down to hold myself somewhat accountable. It’s so easy to say to
myself, “I’ve been doing so well... I can have a burger and a milkshake this
weekend.” Which I actually can – I believe in the “everything is okay in
moderation” theory. It’s the snowball affect I struggle with. Once I eat that
burger and milkshake my portions on everything else go out the window. It’s a
vicious cycle. Not that I need to be perfect, but I just need to be aware and honest with myself so that I can be strong and make better decisions.
Writing this out will help me with that.
Thanks for listening. You really didn’t have to. :)